Sunday, May 1, 2011

More on pants

On a similar note to a previous post about pants sizing, I'd like to talk about another couple of crazy things with pants. Why does it seem that the worse a pair of pants looks, the more you pay for them? It strikes me as odd that guys in particular will pay $80-$100 or more in some cases, for pants that look like a poor farmer's kid has been working the fields in them all summer? The kind of yuppie boys that are able to spend that kind of cash on pants have probably never even seen dirt, let alone worked hard enough to wear out a pair of jeans. A friend was telling me the other day that the darker a pair of jeans is, the sturdier they are likely to be because they have not been "distressed" to the point of being worn out. The moral here: search for the dark indigo jeans. Ok maybe not, but you know what I meant. When I was in high school and the "grunge" thing of the 90s was going on, I actually cut the hems of a pair of jeans with a razor knife so that they would fray. To make matters worse, I also used that knife to slice the knees and under the back pockets of those pants. As if all that wasn't bad enough, I actually hung the pants on the clothes line (we lived on a farm) when my parents weren't home and shot them with my dad's shotgun loaded with a cartridge of buckshot. I only got off one shot because it knocked me to the ground, but man did I have cool pants after that. True, I had to wear biking shorts under them so that my everything important didn't show, but I was "with it". Nowadays kids would be sent home from school for wearing such things, but whatever.
My other thing about pants has to do with men's pants. My dad is built like Santa Clause. He has a big round belly (much like a pregnant lady carrying twins or triplets) and no butt or hips. His pants constantly droop and slide down forcing him to hike them up repeatedly through out the day. He wears a belt, but due to the no hips and butt thing, it doesn't really help that much. He wore suspenders for a while, but the pants slid so much that the suspenders would pop off like elastic rockets so he quit wearing them and went back to the belt for safety reasons. :-/ A few months ago I was thinking about dear ol' dad and his pants dilemma and it hit me, Dad needs "manternity" pants. He needs the same kind of high waisted panelled pants that pregnant women wear. These pants would have an inner jersey like panel that looked like an under shirt and rose to above the belly. It would have a band of elastic at the top to hold it up. On the outside, they would have a normal jean waistband complete with belt loops so that a shirt could be tucked in. They would appear to be totally normal jeans, but when Dad sat down, they wouldn't show his butt. I think this idea is ingenious, and I may one day construct him a pair just for kicks.

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