How Kellie got her groove back, sorta

So I was having serious issues adjusting to life with 4. This last one really blew me away from norm way more than I thought it would. Maybe I'm just old and set in my ways, but I'm choosing to believe that I had a good rhythm going and he just completely disrupted it. It's ok, I wasn't mad or sad about it because I expected it, but I had to find a new normal before I lost what sanity I had left. The first month was all cute and new, then by month two I had sort of gotten into a rhythm but it was not at all the one I really wanted or needed. I started looking at why I felt so hopeless (I was seriously starting to wonder if I had PPD) to really get an idea of what I needed to do. The things that were bothering me were: 1. lack of sleep, 2. the detailed house work was not getting done. 3. I felt like Henry was having to pick up all of my slack- enter deep guilt, 4. I felt like I was Mama all the time since the baby was eating all the time and his nap schedule and Kinsley's were not jiving at all which leads me to 5. I didn't have a "work" time. 6. I felt like I didn't spend time with the kids other than to care for their needs. This was all made worse by the fact that I felt so overwhelmed that I just sat around pondering how much I felt like I sucked all the time. I determined that I felt like I was in a tornado, and just when I got to the bottom I was picked back up and returned to the swirling hopelessness of the ride down. This just couldn't go on. It was a vicious cycle and I'm a control freak and I had to get out of it.
Here's what I did to flip things around in one week. Now mind you, things are not all "fixed", but it's a serious start. 1. I decided that I wasn't going to feel like crap anymore and that I was bigger and better than mental chaos. Things are rarely as bad as they seem. 2. I implemented the "everybody cleans" routine (previous post). Housework issue solved. I no longer worry about housework. Henry and I pick up during the week, but we don't worry about cleaning because there is a set time for that. 3. I decided that the baby was old enough to start sleep training. His night time feedings were becoming habitual snacks and let's face it, he's over 12 pounds so it's not like he's a newborn. I turned the monitor off at night and went to sleep. His room is right across the hall, so if he cried very loud or very long, Henry or I would hear him, he's only ten steps away. This is not to say that I didn't wake up several times the first few nights and flip on the monitor to see if he was still asleep, but after a few nights, I was over that. Sleep deprivation solved. I don't know if he's sleeping through the night, but I am. Since I was able to function better and the housework was getting done, problem 3 solved itself. Problems 5 & 6 have the same solution. Since the scheduled housework seemed to make me feel a ton better, I didn't see why this scheduled time thing couldn't work for the other issues I had. I decided that Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I would try to work, and Tuesday and Thursday I would not do any work unless both kids were asleep and I just wanted to. I see some of you saying "you should flip that schedule, your kids are more important". I invite you to see things from my perspective on this. On Tuesday and Thursday, I can choose to do zero work, just walk away and not do it. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I do not get to walk away from the kids. They are still here, so I only get to work about half that time because they still need to be fed and changed and played with. I figure it really works out to 2.5 days each and I'm ok with that, it's better than lots of alternatives. I still have not solved problem 4, the nap thing will take more time but I think I have a plan to start easing it toward the direction I need it to be in. Since the other things are better this is much easier to deal with. So that is how I'm dealing with life with 4. It might not work forever, but it's working for now and I feel like a normal functioning human and more like myself which was my goal. ~Kellie~

Everybody works

I've been having difficulty trying to figure out how to balance everything lately. Long story short, the housework has been skipped on numerous occasions.This doesn't really seem to bother anyone but me as long as the dishes are done, Henry hates dirty dishes so he has taken on the job of dealing with them every night. What a guy! :) This is not all to say that my house is a disaster all of the time though those who have visited me might very well say different, it is to say that I do pick up randomly I just don't really "clean" very often. Last week I decided that I'd had enough and that this had to stop. Why should I be the only one to clean up everything just because I'm home all day? I have two whining, crying, demanding little humans that I can not seem to get on the same nap schedule as well as a dog who also fits into that whole whining, crying, demanding thing too, to deal with all day every day not to mention that if the baby gets up an night anywhere from 1-4 times :-O I'm the one who has to get up with him because I am the food source. Again, not to throw my wonderful husband Henry under the bus, if things get bad enough in the house he will do things to help out but his "man sense" of when things are dirty enough to clean up is not as keen as my "what a dump!sense". He does the aforementioned dishes regularly which is a good thing because I typically don't get to it, and he takes out the trash and will pick up, do laundry and sweep the floor if things get hairy (which is pretty often because we have a dog... wasn't that punny? ... ok, maybe not). Our children on the other hand, seemingly have absolutely NO sense at all of when things are dirty. As long as clean dishes and clothes and food magically appear for them, they're good. This also had to stop. We've tried the weekly chores and commission and all that, but the only thing we are really consistent about is being inconsistent. We've had lists and charts to remind us, but again it just didn't really work. I ended up doing it all because I'd forget to get them to do it and the whole vicious cycle of "why do I have to do everything" continued. This has been made worse by the whole post partum thing and something had to give.
THE PLAN: I decided that consistency needed to be across the board, and the only way to do that was for us to all do everything at the same time. Sounds pretty crazy, right? Wrong. We now have mandatory clean up in this house, and that means that for one whole hour, yes 60 minutes, on Saturday morning we do nothing but clean. No video games, not t.v., no playing, nothing but cleaning. We have a brief meeting like a football huddle to divvy up chores which we do in fact write down in big letters so that the kids don't keep asking what to do next because they "forgot". We then "break" and run off to do chores. We divide the chores by who's best/most willing and most capable to do certain things. Jonas is a little too short to vacuum but he's the perfect height to scrub toilets, so Colin vacuums. Problem solved. Henry likes to deal with the kitchen and I like doing the bedrooms. Another problem solved. Since this is the way that chores are divided, Henry supervises Colin (and Henry) downstairs, and I supervise Jonas and Kinsley upstairs. I help Kinsley clean her room, and the boys clean their room jointly because quite frankly I don't like going in there as I can only imagine the mess that I CAN'T see.
THE RESULT: This may well be one of the best plant I've come up with in a long time. By dividing things up we each have more time to devote to our specific chores, therefore more gets done. Instead of only being able to pick up, I have time to pick up, dust and vacuum my areas. The bathrooms get cleaned every week now without fail because quite frankly sometimes I forgot. :( The floors get cleaned every week now as well because sometimes I just didn't get to it and I'd give up before I got there. Since we all get it done at the same time, we can then relax and enjoy the clean house all weekend and don't have to worry about when things will get cleaned. We keep an envelope of one dollar bills in the office and after each kid completes their chores to our satisfaction, and yes sometimes they have to go back and do them over, we pay them right then and tell them they did a good job. No more forgetting and hounding and all that. In one hour it's all done. This has changed my life at this point. I no longer feel pressured to do it all and I don't feel worthless because I don't get it all done. Everyone makes the mess, everyone should clean it up. It's a learning opportunity for our kids about self awareness (especially when they have to clean their toilet), hard work, and money. This week they were allowed to buy yo-yos at school with their money that they worked for because I wasn't going to spend MY money on something that they will either lose, break, or forget about. I'm hoping that this will be a good learning lesson too, we'll see.
Until the next time something blog worthy crosses my mind, peace out, yo! -Kellie-