So I was having serious issues adjusting to life with 4. This last one really blew me away from norm way more than I thought it would. Maybe I'm just old and set in my ways, but I'm choosing to believe that I had a good rhythm going and he just completely disrupted it. It's ok, I wasn't mad or sad about it because I expected it, but I had to find a new normal before I lost what sanity I had left. The first month was all cute and new, then by month two I had sort of gotten into a rhythm but it was not at all the one I really wanted or needed. I started looking at why I felt so hopeless (I was seriously starting to wonder if I had PPD) to really get an idea of what I needed to do. The things that were bothering me were: 1. lack of sleep, 2. the detailed house work was not getting done. 3. I felt like Henry was having to pick up all of my slack- enter deep guilt, 4. I felt like I was Mama all the time since the baby was eating all the time and his nap schedule and Kinsley's were not jiving at all which leads me to 5. I didn't have a "work" time. 6. I felt like I didn't spend time with the kids other than to care for their needs. This was all made worse by the fact that I felt so overwhelmed that I just sat around pondering how much I felt like I sucked all the time. I determined that I felt like I was in a tornado, and just when I got to
the bottom I was picked back up and returned to the swirling
hopelessness of the ride down. This just couldn't go on. It was a vicious cycle and I'm a control freak and I had to get out of it.
Here's what I did to flip things around in one week. Now mind you, things are not all "fixed", but it's a serious start. 1. I decided that I wasn't going to feel like crap anymore and that I was bigger and better than mental chaos. Things are rarely as bad as they seem. 2. I implemented the "everybody cleans" routine (previous post). Housework issue solved. I no longer worry about housework. Henry and I pick up during the week, but we don't worry about cleaning because there is a set time for that. 3. I decided that the baby was old enough to start sleep training. His night time feedings were becoming habitual snacks and let's face it, he's over 12 pounds so it's not like he's a newborn. I turned the monitor off at night and went to sleep. His room is right across the hall, so if he cried very loud or very long, Henry or I would hear him, he's only ten steps away. This is not to say that I didn't wake up several times the first few nights and flip on the monitor to see if he was still asleep, but after a few nights, I was over that. Sleep deprivation solved. I don't know if he's sleeping through the night, but I am. Since I was able to function better and the housework was getting done, problem 3 solved itself. Problems 5 & 6 have the same solution. Since the scheduled housework seemed to make me feel a ton better, I didn't see why this scheduled time thing couldn't work for the other issues I had. I decided that Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I would try to work, and Tuesday and Thursday I would not do any work unless both kids were asleep and I just wanted to. I see some of you saying "you should flip that schedule, your kids are more important". I invite you to see things from my perspective on this. On Tuesday and Thursday, I can choose to do zero work, just walk away and not do it. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, I do not get to walk away from the kids. They are still here, so I only get to work about half that time because they still need to be fed and changed and played with. I figure it really works out to 2.5 days each and I'm ok with that, it's better than lots of alternatives. I still have not solved problem 4, the nap thing will take more time but I think I have a plan to start easing it toward the direction I need it to be in. Since the other things are better this is much easier to deal with. So that is how I'm dealing with life with 4. It might not work forever, but it's working for now and I feel like a normal functioning human and more like myself which was my goal. ~Kellie~
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